Decide who you are, Connor
by MagicalWitch92
Summary: A short alternate story about the scene at Kamski's place: What if Connor shoots Chloe against his own will? Will Hank believe him? How will he handle his new upcoming emotions? Platonic father-son relationship
1. Out of control

**Chapter 1 - Losing Control**

At Kamski's House

Connor was just standing there. Right between Kamski and Hank, Cloe kneeling in front of him. And in his hand, the gun Kamski just gave him to shoot his own android. He felt as if he was placed between devil and angel, Kamski demanding to shoot that girl for the sake of his mission and Hank vehemently telling him not to.

And suddenly, it dawned upon him that he did not want to do it. He really did not want to shoot that girl which was just stoically waiting for its end, looking at him with empty eyes. What was that feeling? Pity? He should not feel anything at all. He was not used to it. What was wrong with him?

Connors hand trembled as he slowly tried to lower the gun. Just tried, because some invisible wall was stopping him to do so. This sensation of not having full control over his own body… he remembered that.

The first time it had appeared when Hank and Connor were hunting that deviant Rupert on the rooftop. When Rupert pushed Hank over the edge and Connor decided within seconds to save Hank instead of going after Rupert.

Back then, he had been strong enough to fight the wall and do what he thought was right. Not for the mission obviously, but for Connor himself. He could not let his partner die. Not by any chance. He really grew to like him – and he needed his help and guidance.

On another occasion, they were running after two girls from the Eden Club. He let them escape even though he nearly pulled the trigger then. The wall had only grown stronger… or was it Conner becoming weaker?

"Decide who you are", he heard Kamski say. "An obedient machine… Or a living being endowed with free will…"

"That's enough! Connor, we're leaving.", Hank snarled before Connor could do anything.

"Pull the trigger.", Kamski insisted with his hand on his shoulder now. It was not a comforting touch at all, Connor noticed. It was demanding and weighing him down.

He totally agreed with Hank who just said "Connor, don't…" in one last desperate attempt to prevent Connor from becoming as cold as the machine he was designed to be.

Kamski went on: "And I'll tell you what you wanna know."

But Connor decided he didn't want to know anymore, the price was not worth it. Another feeling bubbled to the surface as his software instability grew. Was it fear? His synthetic muscles did not obey him.

He was unable to lower the gun even though he tried with all his might. But it was not enough. And with eyes going wide he noticed that something that was not him, not his conscious, moved his forefinger and pulled the trigger forcefully.

In this split second he heard the gunshot and saw a satisfied image of Amanda flickering before his eyes.

"No!", Connor screamed as he finally was able to abruptly take the gun down. But it was too late.

 _I failed. How can that be? How could I have done that? It's my fault. All my fault_ , Connor thought as he stared at the whole in the girl's forehead, blue blood flowing out of it down her pretty face.

System warnings were showing up and his stress level was rising at an alarming rate.

He was barely aware of Hank's disappointed "Fuck." and Kamski's cold voice stating "Test negative. You chose your investigation over the life on another android. You feel no empathy." while he freed the gun from Connors grip. Hank turned and left the room.

"But I do!", Connor protested vehemently. "I… I didn't…"

As Connor turned his head to look at Kamski, he saw a small smile playing on his lips. Connor found it cruel. There was no warmth in it like he knew it from Hank's smiles. He felt sick.

Kamski just chose to ignore Connor's statement and continued: "I'm a man of my word. Ask one question… I'll tell you all I know."

Connor just stared at him. Some inner impulse wanted to attack the man just standing next to his dead android without any empathy himself. It made Connor angry. Another feeling he was not used to. It confused him. His system constantly displayed more warnings and system errors.

Connor just wanted to leave this place. So, he unwittingly chose words he learned from the one human being he respected most and swore for the first time in his life: "Fuck you."

With that he turned around and nearly ran on his way outside. He distantly heard as the man called: "By the way… I always leave an emergency exit in my programs… You never know…"

But Connor did not really care for his words anymore. He was too overloaded with conflicting emotions he never felt before. His system was all of the sudden showing messages, feelings even, that were not part of his original program. Guilt, anger, fear, sadness were the dominant ones.

When he stepped outside, he saw with a painful pang of conscience Hank leaning against his car with crossed arms.

"You shot that girl, for fuck's sake…", Hank said accusingly and glared darkly at Connor. But Connor noticed a somewhat disbelieving shimmer in Hank's eyes. It gave him hope. Hope that Hank might listen to him when he explained. They used to be friends after all.

"Hank, I… I did not intend to.", Connor stated sincerely. But Hank just gave a cold laugh that made Connor shiver.

"Yeah, sure. You fucking shot that girl like 5 minutes ago and now you wanna tell me you _did not intend to_?! JESUS CHRIST, Connor, you put your gun against her head and you blew HER FUCKING BRAINS OUT!" Hank roared.

Connor suddenly looked down feeling immensely guilty, his eyes watering. "I… I know…", he stammered. "And I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Lieutenant! I know what it looks like, but you have to believe me that it wasn't me! - Please."

That last word came very softly, but Hank still heard it. He let his arms slide and stared blankly at the android.

After all they have been through in the last couple of weeks, Hank would have never expected that Connor would do such a cruel thing now. He did not understand it either. Connor spared those two girls from the Eden Club, so why shooting that Cloe? He even saved Hank before, instead of following that deviant for the sake of his mission, didn't he? But how could he not believe it was Connor, having it witnessed with his own eyes.

Connor looked back at him pleadingly. "Oh, for fuck's sake, Connor, stop that whipped-puppy look of yours!" That display of emotions started to unnerve Hank. Also, he noticed the bright red LED on his temple. Not good. Although Hank was mad at Connor, he still could not stop the wave of worry flooding him.

As he avoided eye contact with Connor, Hank noticed a movement in the house behind Connor. Suddenly, he got a feeling that whatever they discussed right now, they should not do it here in plain sight of that house.

Hank could easily see that Connor was so close to lose whatever grip he had on his emotions and Hank really did not like the idea of Connor having a serious break down right here.

So, Hank turned without another word and opened the passenger door of his car, gesturing Connor to get in. "Hank, what…?"

Hank signed "Just get into the car, already. I will not repeat myself… we better talk when we're home."

"Home", whispered Connor, his hopes rising… he referred to it as _their_ home, didn't he?

"And don't get me wrong – I still don't believe your bullshit." Hank tried harshly, but his eyes betrayed him, and Connor, despite all the despair he felt, smiled slightly.

A genuinely hopeful smile. 

* * *

**Author's note:** This is my first fanfiction in the Detroit: BH universe and the first one I ever wrote in English, since it's not my first language - but I really love the original voices of the game and thought I'd give it a try.

Please excuse if there are any typing or grammar errors... I did my best and hope it is readable for you all.

If you took the time to read through this story, I would be thrilled if you could tell me your thoughts about it in a comment.

Thank you so much!

MagicalWitch92


	2. New emotions

**Chapter 2: New Emotions**

At Hank's house

Hank watched Connor as he entered the house and Sumo stormed towards him, his tail wagging and immediately licking Connor's hand. Usually, Connor would smile at the dog, bend down and start to pet him, but not now. Connors LED shortly shifted to yellow as Connor patted the dogs head once as he passed, before once again showing a bright red.

If Hank did not know better, he'd say Connor was in shock. He did not speak the whole ride home. Instead, he kept staring ahead without seemingly seeing anything. But androids could not be in an emotional state of shock. As everyone tried to tell Hank, they were not even capable of feeling emotions at all. But as he saw Connor now, it was hard to keep up that believe.

Connor sat down on the couch and Hank reluctantly followed, not letting him out of sight.

"So?" Hank said expectantly. Connor looked up startled. "What was all that about?"

Connor stayed silent. The whole time he tried to figure that out, but he had no answer, yet. He knew he shot that girl, although he did not want to. He knew it was what the mission demanded from him. What Amanda demanded.

Amanda… Seeing her image clear as day back there shocked him. Did she and Cyberlife tamper with his programming so they could control his movements? That thought scared him beyond anything.

"HEY!" Annoyed, Hank snapped his fingers in front of Connor's face. "You're still with me? Talk to me for fuck's sake!"

There was it again – the sadness, the fear and the guilt Connor felt all along, now set free by Hank's harsh words.

Suddenly, he felt his vision blur and something wet running down his cheeks unchecked. Astonished, he touched the wet skin with his trembling fingers and saw the fresh tears on them.

"Fuck, are you crying?" Hank asked dumbfounded, stating the obvious. His annoyance wore off and was replaced by growing concern. He frowned. "What's the matter with you?"

Connor turned around on the couch now fully facing Hank. Finally, he spoke: "Hank, I… I really don't know what is happening to me. I'm scared. I did not want to shoot that Chloe. I fear that Cyberlife might enter my system and control me at times."

"You WHAT? What have these fuckers to do with it?" Hank swore something under his breath.

"It was not the first time, you know? I had this sensation not to have control over my body before… remember when I came for you on the rooftop?" Connor asked.

"Hard not to, saved my life after all." Hank grunted. "Go on."

"There was this… wall… or whatever… nearly stopping me to come to you. I really had to fight it off, so I was able to reach you in time. And there were the Tracis…" Connor trailed off.

"Although I did not want to shoot them, too, I nearly did because something or someone nearly pulled that damn trigger. Back then, I was strong enough to shake it off. Please, you have to believe me, I really could not do anything for Chloe. I was too weak. I'm so sorry, Hank!"

"Why didn't you fucking tell me any of that before?" Hank pressed on, not ready to give in just yet.

But the weight of Connor's guilt and the feeling that he disappointed Hank was overwhelming now. It was just too much. Connor covered his face in his hands and wept bitterly, his whole body trembling madly.

For a moment, Hank could just sit there next to the distressed Android and stare at him. But in the next second, he moved towards him and pulled him close into a tight hug.

"Sshhh, it's ok. Look, I'm sorry, just calm down, Connor. It's alright." Hank whispered in his ear, patting his back lightly.

He could not stand seeing Connor this vulnerable. Surprised, Hank noticed that his own vision was blurred with unshed tears as he rested this chin on Connor's head.

"But I'm out of control and I killed her and I disappointed you and now you'll hate me for what I've done and – ", Connor babbled.

"Ok, stop right there, Connor." Hank said frowning, taking the Android by his shoulders and keeping him at an arm's length from him, so he could look him straight in the eyes. "Listen to me. Nobody hates you, especially not me, ok? I'm here for you no matter what. Yes, you killed that girl and yes, I will not deny that I was disappointed in you. But I fucking believe you, ok? You cannot fake all these emotions, unless they gave you a fucking acting program."

"So, you really believe me?" Connor muttered, his head bowed, but his LED was back to a blinking yellow.

"That's what I just said, isn't it?" Hank stated as he cupped Connors chin in his hand, so he could lift his face up again and look into these doubtful eyes. Connor finally smiled now sheepishly which made Hank chuckle.

"Now come here, son." Hank said wrapping his arms around Connor once again in a heartfelt embrace. Connor returned it gladly and for the first time in his life, he really felt safe and cared for, a comforting warmth spreading all over his body. _Son, that's what he said…_ Connor thought in awe.

"Thank you, Hank." Connor said solemnly when he reluctantly let go of Hank.

"You're welcome." They smiled at each other.

But Connor's smile slowly faded as one horrible thought suddenly dawned in his mind. Hank gave him a puzzled look. "If Cyberlife really can control me anytime… I could do it again. I could even hurt you. Nobody is safe in my presence anymore. I – "

"You go nowhere. Trust me, we will figure out what is happening to you and if Cyberlife has anything to do with it, believe me that they can start begging for mercy right now." Hank interrupted him with a determined expression on his face. "Plus, you will stay here, where I can watch out for you."

Connor, although feeling a sudden flash of happiness rushing through him at that, started protesting: "Lieutenant, you don't have to do this."

"But I fucking want to, Connor." Hank stated stubbornly. "And stop that damn _Lieutenant_ all the time. I'm _Hank_ for you, ok? You– ", he hesitated for a second, but then he sighed and finally confessed: "Jesus fucking Christ, Connor! You're like a son to me and I'm not gonna leave you, understood?"

"Ok, Hank." Connor accepted with a smile. "I will not leave you either."

He had the feeling that everything would be alright. Whatever hardships came in future, Hank was his family now and they would always have each other's back.

 **The end.**


End file.
